And it is my sincere hope that it will be a better year than last. The stress of the first holiday without my father was almost unbearable. I found myself coping with deep grief that came upon me swiftly and suddenly. It was horrendous. Nobody can prepare you for the loss of a loved one and how it impacts you mentally, physically and spiritually. The new year comes like a big deep breath and I am trying to keep positive and anchored in hope.
As someone who suffers from depression, it is not always easy. I grow impatient with myself. I bemoan my lack of energy and enthusiasm... as I am genetically predisposed to depression, my inner spirit is nevertheless, one of optimism and unbounded resiliency. If it weren't so, I wouldn't be here now... Most of the time, I am a deeply engaged person who enjoys life to the fullest--- except when my brain chemicals crash the party.
Thank God for faith, thank God for all those saints and sinners who have gone before me who have carried the same cross. I have learned so much from them and I am grateful. And thank God for medication and skilled therapists who listen from the heart. I believe that God gives us many helps in carrying our crosses and that it is our responsibility to take full advantage of them. Therefore, I have greatly benefitted from all of the above but nothing more than the help of the Sacraments of the Holy Catholic Church.
Just this morning I visited a local Dominican monestary where I had the beautiful priveldge of adoring our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. What a joy! What complete rest I receive in his presence. There is no greater way to renew one's spiritual strength and hope. His presence washes over you as you kneel before him. It is all I can do to hold myself back from throwing myself on my face before him in complete surrender. With Jesus I feel safe and complete.
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